Much like the broader culture, Christendom tends to go through “fads” – The Prayer of Jabez, The Purpose Driven Life, Spiritual Gift Inventories, The Left Behind Series – I’m not suggesting that these things necessarily lack merit, though they may be of questionable value in producing genuine spiritual growth.

Speaking of which, “Spiritual Formation” and having a “Spiritual Director” are pretty hot right now. Every Christian who wants to fast-track it to maturity should consider finding a spiritual director, right? Here’s my question: Are we are looking in the right place for spiritual direction, or are we expecting the latest Christian book or DVD or program or pastor to magically propel us forward into maturity? If we are, I think we misunderstand the concept of spiritual growth.

I live a purpose-driven life alright, but sometimes I wonder about my purpose. Even when I do things that are “good”, more often than not they’re contaminated by my own unconscious agenda – the need to belong, to feel significant, to be important, to look like a “good Christian”. Does this negate the value of my deeds? No, but if I want to grow, I’ll have to look beneath the surface of my actions, because spiritual growth occurs in the heart.

I titled this post “DIY Spiritual Formation” to contrast it with the 2-for-1/drive-through/me-focused version we’re accustomed to in the west. I’m not suggesting that spiritual formation is something I can do myself. God help me if it is!

Here’s the Spiritual Formation Program I’m currently working through. It’s free, which is great because I don’t have a job. I’ve been praying for work and doing my best to generate income, but the uncertainty is pretty scary. I’m okay this month, but what about next? My own best efforts may not be enough. I’m starting to realize that this is not a coincidence.

The truth is, I feel uncertain about almost every area of my life right now. It’s as though God has me in a “spiritual body cast”. I struggle to gain some sense of control over things, but I’m basically immobilized, waiting for his provision, his direction, his answers. He always seems to come through, but I don’t like this feeling of dependence, weakness, immobility. Actually, I hate it.

This morning, it began to dawn on me – this is spiritual formation. It’s like the cough syrup whose ad says “it tastes awful, but it works!” Though at times I choke on my fear and pride, I know God’s medicine is working in my heart. I don’t know what he’s doing or where I’ll end up. I do know that in God’s upside-down economy, I couldn’t be in a better place.